Someone She Couldn't Forget
by Padfoot Lives
Summary: Hermione finds herself taken back in time. She meets a man she thought lost forever . . . will she have the heart to return to her own time? (warning: spoilers for "Order of the Phoenix")
1. Knocked Back in Time

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the books' characters! Wish I did though, I'd never have killed Sirius!!! (*bursts into tears*)  
  
Summary: Hermione is just finishing her fifth year. Something happens - she goes back in time, back to when the Marauders were in their seventh year. And Hermione is faced with grief that she thought she had buried. Will she have the heart to find a way to go back to her own time?  
  
[Just a fic I thought of after reading 'Order of the Phoenix']  
  
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"Hurry up, Hermione!" Harry bellowed over his shoulder as he raced up the stairs. "You know Snape will kill us if we're late for this lesson!"  
  
Strange, how almost normal Harry was beginning to sound after everything they had been through so recently.  
  
"Go on," she called, desperately trying to pick up the books that Peeves had knocked out of her arms. "I'll catch up!"  
  
But then again, even she was putting the past behind her, trying to suppress every insane feeling that kept rising within her - every shred of grief, love, regret, hurt -  
  
No, she had to bury it. And she had. He had never existed.  
  
Soon, Harry and Ron's footsteps had faded away and Hermione had finally picked up all the books, one wary eye scanning her surroundings for any sign of the wretched poltergeist. The books were all her fifth year ones, and she was taking them to drop off at Professor McGonagall's on her way to Potions.  
  
Unfortunately, there didn't seem to be time.  
  
She ran up the stairs as fast as a person can with a pile of textbooks in her arms, and was halfway down the corridor when she thought she reached the Potions classroom. Little did she know that the stairs had shifted around while her vision had been blocked by books . . .  
  
Using her elbow, she nudged the door open and burst into the room, startled when the door closed behind her with a slam. Suddenly, everything became to vibrate and her eyes began to blur over with the spinning of the room. Knocked off balance, she fell over, books tumbling out of her arms.  
  
And then it stopped.  
  
"Good heavens, dear, are you all right?"  
  
Slowly, Hermione blinked the dizziness out of her eyes and mind and looked up. The books were still lying in a pile around her. She was still on her knees on the floor - but somehow, she was in the Entrance Hall, staring up into the face of Professor McGonagall.  
  
But something seemed to be wrong. The face she was looking into seemed much younger!  
  
"P-professor McGonagall?" she stammered, jaw dropping.  
  
The older woman seemed surprised. "Why, I don't believe we've been introduced, dear, but if you know who I am, then you must be the new fifth- year transfer student that Professor Dumbledore was telling me about."  
  
Hermione blinked. What is hell was going on? Why didn't McGonagall recognize her?  
  
"I - yes, I am," she said, her sharp mind quickly articulating an answer for her. "Hermione - uh - Lovegood." She murmured.  
  
"Of course," Professor McGonagall smiled. "Well, I'm sure you'll be very happy with us here, Ms Lovegood, and I hope you find the right house during the Sorting that Dumbledore will arrange for you in about ten minutes. Why don't I take these books," she waved her wand and the books lifted themselves up and dropped neatly into the backpack that she conjured up magically. "And I'll take you into the Great Hall in a few minutes."  
  
While her professor turned around to speak to a couple of students who were just passing by and were making an unnecessary amount of noise, Hermione, still very confused and slightly scared, wondered what she had done to herself. She checked to make sure her wand was still in her robes pocket, and was glad to find it was.  
  
"Oh, Snape." The words suddenly jolted Hermione back to looking at Professor McGonagall. "Take this bag, will you," she said sharply to the greasy-haired Slytherin, "And leave it outside my office for Ms Lovegood here."  
  
It seemed unreal for Hermione to watch a very young, seventeen-year-old Snape taking orders from the woman he was supposed to be working with, although he looked sour at the thought of carrying the books of some random new girl - despite how pretty she might be.  
  
The implications of seeing Snape and Professor McGonagall so young had not fully sunk into Hermione yet. Instead, rather shakily, she asked the Professor when Snape was safely out of earshot:  
  
"What year is this, Professor?"  
  
McGonagall looked astonished, and Hermione sighed inwardly. But she needed to know - and when her professor told her the year, Hermione's entire mind whirled. Somehow, she had traveled back in time SEVENTEEN years, and was now standing in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, about to be Sorted and repeat her fifth year!  
  
-Dear God, - she thought dazedly. -How did I manage this? How do I go back?-  
  
Unfortunately, she couldn't dwell on that problem, because she was being ushered into the Great Hall by the woman who was supposed to be the Head of her House - and might just become so again.  
  
The Great Hall was filled with delighted chatter and laughter, reminding Hermione so forcefully of her own time and Harry, and Ron, that she felt slightly homesick. She ignored it, however, because the sea of unfamiliar faces was staring at her now, suddenly falling silent.  
  
Dumbledore, looking rather the same, stood up and looked at Hermione. For an instant, she felt like his kindly gaze had bored right through her, and that he knew exactly what had happened to her, and who she was.  
  
But he said nothing about it, only smiled and said to the school:  
  
"I have the pleasure to welcome a new transfer student into our midst," he said, smiling broadly. "She will be joining the fifth-year, of whichever house the Hat chooses is best for her, and I trust you will all make her feel at home."  
  
There were some cheers and catcalls that made Hermione reflect on how little Hogwarts really had changed. She noticed that all the students, including the Slytherins, were peering at her with great interest - probably because she looked smart, she thought wryly.  
  
"And now, we shall have the Sorting for her. Minerva, if you would."  
  
Professor McGonagall led Hermione forward towards the platform, where she produced the tattered old Sorting Hat out of nowhere and laid it on the familiar old stool. Hermione gulped for a second - what if somehow, she was put into Slytherin?  
  
"Lovegood, Hermione!" McGonagall announced.  
  
Hermione obligingly went forward and rather nervously sat down on the stool, gazing out at the faces at the tables, barely even noticing any of them. Professor McGonagall put the Hat onto her head and stepped back.  
  
She braced herself.  
  
"Ahh, my, my what have we here?" the Hat cooed in its gruff voice, sounding highly interested. "Extremely smart, I can see, one of those top-graders - Ravenclaw might suit you. But wait, I see plenty of courage too, and oh my - what do I see in these memories of yours? Things I have never seen before, very dark, very incredible things - you've been knocked back in time, haven't you? Well, well, where shall I put you? Your old house was . . . hmm, Gryffindor, very nice . . . well, well - GRYFFINDOR!"  
  
Her heart nearly exploding over her head with relief and delight, Hermione staggered up from the stool and met the eyes of a smiling Dumbledore and then those of a very pleased-looking McGonagall. The Gryffindors were all cheering wildly, and as she approached their table, one of the girl, a redhead seventh-year called out: "Over here, Hermione!"  
  
She slowly went over to the empty seat beside the girl, and found herself looking into green eyes that she had seen before - green eyes that she knew far too well.  
  
"My God," she whispered inaudibly, sinking into the bench weakly.  
  
Lily Potter?!  
  
But that had to mean - of course she was - that meant she was -  
  
On the other side of her, a boy with a kind face smiled welcomingly at her. "I'm Remus Lupin," he said, extending his hand. "Lily Evans," he introduced the girl, although Hermione was already recognizing people.  
  
"James Potter," a boy with untidy black hair smiled, before shifting his gaze back to Lily. Hermione gawked at him, and almost exclaimed: 'you look exactly like Harry, only he has her eyes'.  
  
"Peter Pettigrew," a small, mousy-looking boy added, looking her up and down her with watery eyes.  
  
It took all of Hermione's self-control to keep from glaring at the boy. She knew perfectly well who he was, knew exactly what he was doing -  
  
Finally her eyes reached the last boy of the group. He was extremely handsome, with short dark hair, melting chocolate eyes and a body that had made Ron greatly envious even in her own time.  
  
Strange, she thought detachedly, pain filling her chest, how innocent these people were of their own futures.  
  
For there they were - dead, hunted werewolf, dead, traitor . . . dead.  
  
Like a cold shower of ice mixing with hot fiery hope, Hermione looked into the eyes of a man she had been told had fallen through a mysterious veil, the same man she had hidden her true feelings so well for, the man she had been sure she could never see again.  
  
"Sirius Black," he said with a grin.  
  
** To Be Continued.  
  
** A/N: Hope you guys like this so far . . . please review and let me know if you want this continued, I just had to get it out - because, after all, Joanne never does tell us how Hermione felt when Sirius died . . . 


	2. Like a Dream

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the books' characters! Wish I did though, I'd never have killed Sirius!!! (*bursts into tears*)  
  
Summary: Hermione goes back in time, back to when the Marauders were in their seventh year. And Hermione is faced with grief that she thought she had buried. Will she have the heart to find a way to go back to her own time?  
  
[Just a fic I thought of after reading 'Order of the Phoenix']  
  
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~Someone She Couldn't Forget  
  
- Chapter Two: Like a Dream  
  
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**  
  
Hermione stared down into the fire as she sat in the Gryffindor common room that she already knew so well. She couldn't believe what was happening to her - she had gone from fighting with Death Eaters to hearing that Sirius was dead, and now here she was, sixteen years in the past.  
  
She had thought she had buried her grief for Sirius, and her feelings for him, but seeing him again had brought about more pain and emotion than she had expected.  
  
No one, not even Harry or Ron or Ginny, knew how she had felt about Sirius. Even she had thought her feelings were simple protectiveness for her best friend's godfather, the man she had helped save when they had first met. It was only while working together with the Order of the Phoenix that she had realized there was more to her feelings than she had thought.  
  
But she had never told him.  
  
And although sometimes, when she least expected it, he showed strange signs of feelings something for her, she had been sure that was impossible.  
  
When he had died . . .  
  
She swallowed hard and continued to glare into the fire, wondering what was going to happen to her here with shadows of the past, a past she had thought was buried, haunting her. How was she supposed to face James and Lily without tears prickling her eyes? How was she supposed to look at Wormtail without blazing fury? How was she supposed to speak to Remus without telling him that she knew what he was?  
  
And how could she look into Sirius's eyes and not be able to see his fated future staring back out her, without feeling that terrible ache in her heart.  
  
But surely her time travel changed things . . . surely things didn't have to end the same way now that they knew her - it didn't have to be the same, did it? She could warn Lily and James about Peter -  
  
She couldn't do that. She knew that magical laws forbade interference with time and future. She shouldn't even be here. She had to find a way to get back. That was the only way. And only she, standing beside this same fire with Ron and Harry and Neville and Ginny sitting around near her, pain for Sirius still strong amongst them - only she would know the truth.  
  
"Hermione?" a familiar, concerned voice asked gently from just behind her.  
  
Tilting her head slightly, she automatically responded, "Something wrong, Harry?"  
  
There was a split-second's silence and then James sounded very surprised. "Uh-what was that?" he looked at her with hazel eyes, as she turned around, horrified at her slip. Their voices were so alike!  
  
"Sorry," she managed a smile. "Slip of the tongue. It's just that you remind me so much of one of my friends in my old school."  
  
He smiled. "Oh well, I guess the bespectacled, untidy-haired, thin types are pretty common."  
  
She couldn't help but laugh softly at that. "Trust me-James-they're not common at all. I'd say you and Ha-my friend-are one-of-a-kind."  
  
She stopped herself from uttering Harry's name again, because James probably hadn't heard it the first time, and the last thing she needed to do was mention the name that he was going to christen his soon-to-be-born son.  
  
"Were you going to ask me something?" she asked him then, glancing over his shoulder briefly at where Sirius sat talking to Remus. Wormtail was nowhere in sight - thank God - and Hermione had seen Lily go upstairs a few minutes earlier.  
  
"Actually, I was wondering if there was something wrong," he said. "You've been standing there for quite a while, just staring into the fire - and we - that is, Sirius, Remus and I - couldn't help but notice that you looked a little sad." His eyes twinkled. "Sirius was rather worried."  
  
Her heart, rather foolishly, leapt at his words. What was wrong with her? How could she be behaving like a smitten teenager with the same man who was godfather to Harry and who, by the way, was dead?  
  
It hurt, sharper than a knife, to think it.  
  
"Thanks," she said with a genuinely grateful smile, "But I'm all right. Just a little - nostalgic. Remembering some things."  
  
"Yeah, we all do that." James nodded understandingly, reaching up and rumpling his hair slightly. "Look, why don't you come over and sit with us? Lily'll be down soon anyway, and she can show you to your room after that."  
  
Hermione already knew where she'd be sleeping, but she said nothing, only shrugged and replied: "Sure."  
  
She followed James back to where Sirius and Remus were, and tried very hard not to be affected by the teenage and his eyes and his hair that flopped into his eyes just like it had when he was thirty-three, only it had been long then.  
  
He looked up at her and grinned. "Nice to see you smiling."  
  
"Oh, cut me some slack, would you," she chuckled. "I'm sure I didn't look THAT depressed over there."  
  
"More like heartbroken," Remus commented shrewdly, his voice quiet enough for only Hermione to hear. She froze, but recovered quickly.  
  
"So where's Wor-Peter?" she asked, unable to keep the sharpness out of her tone.  
  
They looked amused. "Don't like Peter much, eh?" Sirius asked with his bark of a laugh. "Can't really blame you. Bit of a pest really. Idolizes James."  
  
"And Sirius too," Remus cut in, smirking. "Don't forget that, Padfoot."  
  
Padfoot . . . Hermione's heart squeezed as she remembered the playful black dog that bounded around them whenever he morphed.  
  
James leaned back in his chair, looking somewhat sleepy. "I dunno where Wormtail is-that's our nickname for Peter, by the way, Hermione."  
  
"I know." She mumbled before she could stop herself.  
  
They seemed surprised. Soon the topic began to wander, and Hermione answered questions about her 'old school and friends', asked a few about them (most of which she already knew the answers to) and listened to Sirius and Remus tease James about Lily.  
  
For a moment, her vision seemed to blur and in James' place sat Harry, with Ron beside Hermione and Sirius and Remus looking older. They were talking, just like they always had, teasing each other and laughing about Sirius' recklessness, Remus' pallid look (full moon approaching) and all kinds of other things.  
  
It was like a dream, she thought, exactly like a dream.  
  
For it could only be in a dream that she could see Sirius again, and although he was looking at her in exactly the same way he had in the months before he died, she noticed a certain intensity and warmth in his gaze that she must have been a fool not to see back in her own time.  
  
"Listen, Hermione, what d'you think about werewolves?" Sirius suddenly asked her, jerking her out of her thoughts with the sound of his voice as well as the unexpectedness of the question.  
  
It took sheer willpower to keep from looking at Remus. She glanced between James and Sirius as she shrugged and said as calmly as she could, "I think they're misunderstood. People judge them based on legend and on stereotypical werewolves. What most people don't understand is that they really are people too, with feelings, and just have to be kept controlled during the full moon."  
  
Finally, she looked at Remus. He seemed to be inexplicably touched. Sirius and James were both grinning, looking impressed. Sirius shot Remus a told- you-so look.  
  
"I agree," he said to her. "After all, you never know, your best friend might just be a werewolf and you may not even be able to tell."  
  
They all laughed, Hermione included, but her laughter was slightly sardonic as she reflected over the fact that she knew exactly what they were talking about.  
  
At that moment, Lily made reappearance and sat down beside James. He immediately slid an arm around her and soon they were lost in their own world of whispers and laughter, a fact which made Sirius catch Hermione's eye and stick his tongue out disgustedly before winking, making her stifle a giggle.  
  
Nothing had changed. Her heat ached horribly as she thought of what was going to happen to all these innocent, carefree people who were already, as she could tell from their conversations, working against the Dark Lord. She swallowed.  
  
If only she could tell him of the torment he'd had to go through in Azkaban. Or about Bellatrix. Or -  
  
"Uh-Sirius?" she said, almost killing herself with the effort to sound like she had just met the guy and hadn't known him for three years.  
  
He looked at her with those twinkling eyes. "Yeah?"  
  
She exhaled slowly. "Bellatrix Lestrange-Black-whatever," she said recklessly, "She's-uh-a cousin of yours, isn't she?"  
  
Now even James and Lily, as well as Remus, were looking at her, seemingly astonished by her knowledge of this. Sirius himself looked quite perplexed.  
  
"Yeah," he frowned. "Never liked her much, ever. Quite an odd, character, Bella, but then all my family were something out of the - " he broke off rather bitterly, and then shrugged. "She married some guy named Rudolphus, so yeah, she is Bellatrix Lestrange."  
  
Hermione drew in a sharp breath. From his tone, she knew that he did know - that none of them had a clue about who his cousin's worshipped master was.  
  
She was playing with fire, she knew, revealing information like this - but she was past caring now:  
  
"She's a Death Eater, Sirius."  
  
From the darkened, shocked expressions on their faces she knew had been right - they hadn't known. Sirius stared at her, horror mingling with confusion and she knew was in for an interrogation.  
  
But if it could save them somehow, and maybe give Harry back his parents, and Hermione back Sirius - well, she was past caring.  
  
** TBC.  
  
**  
  
A/N: Please, please review. I'll update as soon as I can! Enjoy! 


	3. Cannot Be Told

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the books' characters! Wish I did though, I'd never have killed Sirius!!! (*bursts into tears*)  
  
Summary: Hermione goes back in time, back to when the Marauders were in their seventh year. And Hermione is faced with grief that she thought she had buried. Will she have the heart to find a way to go back to her own time?  
  
[Just a fic I thought of after reading 'Order of the Phoenix']  
  
** *  
  
~Someone She Couldn't Forget  
  
- Chapter Three: Cannot Be Told *  
  
**  
  
Dead silence followed Hermione's shocking statement of what she knew was fact. Then slowly, Remus cleared his throat and James glanced at Lily before his eyes went to Sirius. The third Marauder stared at Hermione with a strange, unreadable expression mixed with disbelief.  
  
"A - a Death Eater?" Lily finally croaked. "Bellatrix? As in - one of - You- Know-Wh -Voldemort's followers?"  
  
Hermione noticed that none of them winced at the name, which confirmed her belief that they were already working with Dumbledore, maybe not officially in the original Order of the Phoenix yet.  
  
She nodded at Lily. "Yeah."  
  
They looked at each other, disbelief and apprehension crossing their features. Sirius was still silent, his eyes never leaving Hermione's face. Finally, Remus spoke quietly: "Are you really telling us that Bellatrix and Rudolphus Lestrange are Death Eaters, Hermione? And how could you possibly know this, only in your fifth-year?"  
  
"Let's just say I've had my own experience in defense against the Dark Arts," she said wryly.  
  
Sirius expression remained fixed, almost incredulous, yet somehow very horrified. James looked at Hermione with a touch of curiosity. "What do you mean?" he asked.  
  
She sighed. This was her chance to tell them their futures, to warn them - yet she knew that she couldn't do it. She couldn't play with time. Who knew what havoc she might wreck upon the magical world.  
  
But she could give them something.  
  
"I should be in the sixth year right now, but I'm repeating my fifth for a reason. I fought against Death Eaters not too long ago," she said slowly. "Bellatrix was one of them. She - she killed someone - I cared about."  
  
They stared at her, as if unable to believe what they were hearing. James shook his head. "How is that possible? Dumbledore would have told us - would have told us if there had been a battle - we would have known about you - or Bellatrix."  
  
"Trust me on this. You wouldn't know."  
  
"Tell me something," it was Sirius' voice, cool and calm with that hint of frosty anger that had always made her pray that she was never on the receiving end of it. And now here she was, the target of his anger. "Why should we believe you? You have no proof of what you're telling us and odd as Bellatrix might be, I haven't ever had reason to believe she could be one of Voldemort's own."  
  
"So you don't believe me?" she asked, her own temper beginning to ignite slightly.  
  
He crossed his arms over his chest, expression turning sardonically cold. "No, I don't." he responded icily, making Remus and James exchange nervous looks and Lily stare at Hermione and Sirius as if transfixed.  
  
"I can't tell you the truth behind this." She said sharply. "If I were to do that, it would change everything - mess up all balance. All I can tell you is to beware of Bellatrix, and to beware your cousin Narcissa, Sirius. She's married to a Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy."  
  
She could tell them about Peter, but that was hitting too close to home, it would change things completely. Tormented by the choice, Hermione felt ripped into two. She gulped and watched as Sirius's eyes blazed.  
  
"WHAT," he thundered, "CAN YOU GIVE US TO MAKE US BELIEVE YOU?!"  
  
Luckily the common room had emptied, but Lily flinched at Sirius's tone, and James and Remus glared at Sirius warningly. "Lower your voice, damn it!"  
  
As for Hermione, she couldn't describe the sting she felt at being so mistrusted by Sirius, although his anger was understandable. What wasn't excusable was the fact that he was losing his temper and taking it out on her without even listening.  
  
"You want me to prove that I know these things, PADFOOT?" she said with quietly intense anger, flaring up instantly. "How about I tell you about that big black dog you turn into any time you want? How about we discuss why Remus here sees the moon every time he faces a Boggart? Why don't we talk about why James is called Prongs, or why Peter looks like such a RAT, huh?"  
  
James hand, which had been rumpling his hair, dropped limply onto Lily's shoulder with a shocked thump.  
  
Remus and Lily goggled.  
  
Sirius's jaw dropped. The anger seemed to fade and be replaced by astonishment. "How could you - how did you - where - when - ?"  
  
"Do you believe me now, Sirius Black?" she demanded, raising her eyebrows.  
  
"How did you know?" Lily asked softly. "How could you know about them? You haven't even been a student here. How could you possibly - ?"  
  
"I told you," Hermione said, voice and anger softening, "I know things that you people would never guess, can never imagine. You'll probably want to know why and how, but I swear to you that it can't be told. I've already broken rules by warning you about Bellatrix."  
  
Sirius stared at her. "You know Moony's a werewolf?"  
  
"And that Peter's a rat, and you're a dog and James is a stag and you're all unregistered Animagi, yes," she said slightly impatiently. "That's not the point."  
  
"It's true, isn't it?" he said quietly, glancing at his friends. "About Bella?"  
  
"Yes, it's true." Before she could stop herself, she added: "And be very careful with that house-elf of yours, Kreacher. If - someday - you go back to Grimmauld Place, your parents' house, watch out for him."  
  
His jaw dropped again.  
  
"Something tells me I won't be able to sleep tonight." James muttered dryly.  
  
Hermione could have told him that Harry had sleeping problems of late too, but she refrained from doing so. Instead, she shrugged and stood up. "Think about it, Sirius." She said softly, trying to block out her growing feelings and the grief for him. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."  
  
"Wait." His voice made her pause. "I'm sorry." He added huskily. "For not believing you."  
  
She shrugged again. "It happens." And with that, she left the room and left them alone again, knowing that when - or if - she made it back to her own time, she might pay for the interference she had wrecked.  
  
But maybe the warning about Kreacher could save Sirius . . . and Harry wouldn't be so grieved, and she might still have the chance to tell him how she felt (and how she considered it time for him to have a haircut).  
  
And suddenly, the thought struck her.  
  
What if she stayed here, with James and Remus and Sirius? What if she remained in the time of the Marauders, and perhaps changed the course of their destinies? What if she didn't go back at all?  
  
She couldn't do that. She had to go back. She'd miss Ron and Harry terribly, and there was still another war to fight there.  
  
But did she have it in her to leave this time and go back to where Sirius was dead? Would she have the heart or the strength to lose the man she loved all over again?  
  
Sinking onto the bed that was now hers, Hermione buried herself in the quilts and sobbed.  
  
** TBC.  
  
**  
  
A/n: Third chapter done, and fourth one coming up soon! Please let me know what you guys think of this, and thanks for reviewing so far! 


	4. Past and Future

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the books' characters! Wish I did though, I'd never have killed Sirius!!! (*bursts into tears*)  
  
Summary: Hermione goes back in time, back to when the Marauders were in their seventh year. And Hermione is faced with grief that she thought she had buried. Will she have the heart to find a way to go back to her own time?  
  
[Just a fic I thought of after reading 'Order of the Phoenix']  
  
** *  
  
~Someone She Couldn't Forget  
  
- Chapter Four: Past and Future *  
  
**  
  
Hogsmeade weekend came surprisingly fast, and before Hermione knew it, she was being dragged along to the Three Broomsticks with James, Lily and Sirius (Remus was in the hospital wing with Madam Pomfrey - full moon time, and Peter had once again disappeared - no surprises there, Hermione thought darkly).  
  
The Marauders and Lily had long since stopped trying to hide things from Hermione, because most things she astonished them further by already knowing. Instead, they practiced curses with her, as she was remarkably excellent at Defense Against the Dark Arts.  
  
That weekend, they found themselves a table in the chattering crowd and they decided to order Butterbeers.  
  
"Always wanted to try a Firewhisky," Sirius said gloomily, eyeing the beady- eyed witch at the counter with misgiving. "She'll never allow us to, though."  
  
Hermione remembered how Ron had said almost exactly the same thing during their first DA gathering . . . and she felt a pang. She missed Ron and Harry a lot, but she couldn't even bear to think of going to Dumbledore and asking him to send her back.  
  
How was she supposed to choose between past and future? Between where her life belonged and where her heart did? Between love and friendship?  
  
She stood up quickly, cutting James off as he offered to go and get the Butterbeers and claiming she needed to ask the witch behind the counter something. She retrieved the drinks, passing the all-seeing eyes of Dumbledore on the way, and by the time she got back, she hoped the conversation topic had changed.  
  
As she handed the drinks out and sat down, she heard Lily, giggling, say: "When James promises you something, Sirius, you know he means it."  
  
"We were just talking about the future," James said, making Hermione's heart sink horribly. "I was telling Sirius that if Lily and I get married and ever have kids, Sirius would definitely be our son or daughter's godfather."  
  
Hermione blinked sharply to avoid the tears that immediately constricted her throat, for them, for Harry, for Sirius who would be called a betrayer of such friendship. She tried to smile, and said with as much cheer as she could muster: "Well, what would you guys name your son or daughter?"  
  
Perhaps not the best question, but it was the only response she could think of.  
  
Lily smiled. "Well, we thought of Hermione for a girl," she said, and Hermione blinked out of both surprise and shock. "And ironically enough, we thought of that before we even met you, Mione. Of course, now we're certain of it." James winked.  
  
"And a boy?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Harry," James said. "Always liked the name. Imagine it: Harry Potter."  
  
Oh, Hermione could imagine it all right. She wryly wondered what they'd say if she told them that Harry Potter was the most famous name in the wizarding world, starting right from two years from now.  
  
As they talked, James pulled out a struggling Golden Snitch and began playing with it. Lily gave him a reproving look, but said nothing and Hermione suppressed a smile as she realized that Lily Evans was actually more impressed with her boyfriend than she would ever have admitted.  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh, give it a rest, would ya, James?" he snatched the Snitch away and grinned at the smiling surprise that lit up his best friend's eyes. Hermione, like Harry had told her, saw that James would probably have reacted with a little irritation if it had been anyone but Sirius who had stopped him. "Wormtail could be watching you from God-knows- where."  
  
"Actually, you'd probably have heard his whoops and cheers by now if that was true," Hermione commented.  
  
"Hey," James grinned, "How'd you know about that? You've never seen Wormtail around me before, except for dinner, and that was nothing."  
  
Hermione shrugged, realizing her slip. It had taken a few days before Harry had told her about the memory in the Pensieve. "Why do you still ask me the 'how' question, James?"  
  
They laughed, and pretty soon, Lily and James were all ready to go off for a walk. They left Sirius and Hermione alone, and she immediately felt that mixture of pain as well as thrill.  
  
"This battle you fought," he said, meeting her eyes over his bug of Butterbeer. "What was it like? Were you hurt?"  
  
She didn't want to think about it, or talk about it to the very same man to had been killed in that battle, but she knew she couldn't avoid the question - not when it came from someone as persistent and smart as Sirius.  
  
"I was knocked unconscious for a while, that's all," she said as casually as she could. "One of my friends nearly got strangled by a giant brain and went a little loony, one of the others hurt her ankle, another got a broken nose, one looked Voldemort in the face, and one - " she broke off, swallowing.  
  
"One died?" he asked gently, eyes shadowing with sympathy.  
  
"Yeah," she said rather lamely, unable to meet his eyes and not be able to scream out that it was him that she had lost.  
  
He traced the rim of his mug almost distractedly. "Were you two very close?"  
  
"I guess you could say that," Hermione said slowly. "It's never easy to watch anyone die, so I guess it hurts more when it's a friend."  
  
What an understatement. More like destroyed her. But she couldn't tell him that because he'd never be able to believe her if she were to then tell him that she was in love with him.  
  
He looked up at her and she felt mesmerized by his eyes again. He raked a hand through his hair with something that resembled frustration. She frowned slightly, wondering what was up.  
  
"Something wrong, Sirius?"  
  
He laughed softly. "I wouldn't say something's wrong. Well, maybe I can get your advice without James and Remus smirking beside me, although they already know. You're smart and you're a girl, right?"  
  
"I should hope so." Hermione said rather tartly.  
  
Sirius grinned. "Sorry," he replied contritely. "Will you help me?"  
  
"If I can," she shrugged, smiling; yet having a rather bad feeling about this. She didn't know why, though. "What's the problem?"  
  
"Well, there's this girl . . ."  
  
Now she knew why. Suppressing an inward stab of pain, she asked him to go on. He shrugged, blushing ever so slightly, and said: "Well, she's really pretty, really intelligent and really sweet. James, Remus, Lily - even Peter - all like her, and think I should give it a whirl. The problem is, well, I don't know if she likes me - and my feelings are just getting too strong for me to risk losing her as a friend as well."  
  
"Are - are you in love with her?" Hermione stammered shakily.  
  
He groaned. "I think so. I think it's like what James feels for Lily. Protectiveness, jealousy, desire, intensity - love."  
  
Hermione could have drowned herself right then. Here she was, risking her world for the man she loved, and he was already in love with someone. Had Sirius been yearning for that same woman, even in her own time?  
  
She looked back at his expectant, rather rakish expression and sighed inwardly. "Well, I suppose you could wait a little while and see how her behavior towards you goes," she suggested, trying to give objective advice. "Or you could risk it anyway. After all, it's hard to believe someone as reckless as you are, Sirius, can be afraid of a girl."  
  
They both laughed, and then headed back to the castle. Sirius went to see Remus in the hospital wing, while Hermione, who had already seen the young werewolf earlier, headed straight for her dormitory in the Gryffindor tower and was greatly gratified to find it empty.  
  
Looking around, through her absolute frustration, Hermione noticed that her closet door was completely shut. She'd thought she had left it open when she had left in the morning, but she soon forgot this circumstance in the event of her rage.  
  
Grabbing a hairbrush, she flung it at the wall where it crashed just as Lily walked into the room.  
  
"Ouch," the redhead grinned. "What did the big lovable dog say this time?"  
  
Hermione glared at her, although she wasn't really angry with Lily. Instead, she allowed her feelings about it vent: "That lovable dog asked me for advice on a girl problem!" she stormed. "He had the nerve to tell me that he's in love - in LOVE, mind you! - with some girl who's very pretty, very intelligent and very f***ing SWEET!"  
  
Lily blinked. "You mean he told you about it?" she demanded.  
  
"YES!"  
  
And the red-haired girl began to laugh. Hermione stared at her with the utmost of rage and indignation while Lily simply continued to double over with uncontrollable giggles. Finally, Lily managed to regain some control of herself.  
  
"Think it's funny, do you?" Hermione snapped.  
  
"Oh, Mione," Lily wiped tears from her eyes, laughing again. "For someone who's smarter and more experienced than us all, you sure are blind! He - he was talking about YOU!"  
  
These words took a moment to penetrate her mind and heart.  
  
"He was talking about - who?" she blinked rapidly.  
  
"You, Hermione." Lily repeated, Harry's eyes brimming with laughter and mischief that caused Hermione another pang because she hadn't seen Harry's eyes look like that in a while. "Sirius is in love with you. It's so obvious - he's so damned protective of you, he growls every time that Slytherin chap starts chatting you up, and he can't take his eyes off you."  
  
Hermione's jaw dropped.  
  
"You better catch that bear-like dog," Lily advised, wandering out of the room with a sisterly wink, "And tell him you feel the same way."  
  
Hermione gulped.  
  
She couldn't believe it. Could Sirius really be - could they really have - could she finally have what she had dreamed of - did she really have him back - could it really - ?  
  
"Don't get your hopes up, Hermione," a quiet voice said sadly from outside the now-open door of her closet. "It can't happen, and you know it."  
  
Hermione nearly fainted with shock at hearing that voice. She swiveled around, incredulous, and came face to face with a tall, lanky boy.  
  
"How the HELL did you get here?" she hissed angrily.  
  
Ron smirked. "I was called."  
  
** TBC.  
  
**  
  
A/n: I still can't get over the fact that Sirius was killed! D'you think he could come back, though? I mean, she never mentions a body, or even mentions Sirius in that Daily Prophet article that comes out after the fight. Maybe I'm just getting by poor hopes up . . . anyway, please review!!!! 


	5. Torn Apart

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the books' characters! Wish I did though, I'd never have killed Sirius!!! (*bursts into tears*)  
  
Summary: Hermione goes back in time, back to when the Marauders were in their seventh year. And Hermione is faced with grief that she thought she had buried. Will she have the heart to find a way to go back to her own time?  
  
[Just a fic I thought of after reading 'Order of the Phoenix']  
  
** *  
  
~Someone She Couldn't Forget  
  
- Chapter Five: Torn Apart *  
  
**  
  
The two best friends stared at each other across Hermione's bed, and finally Ron looked away first, taking in his surroundings. "Not much has changed, huh?"  
  
"Who called you here, Ron?" Hermione asked, shaken to see him standing here.  
  
"Well, I don't really understand how it works, but after Harry and I told him that we thought you were missing, Dumbledore called me to his office and told me that some memories in his Pensieve were shifting around. Turns out that his younger self had met you, and he was most baffled at the fact that you were in Harry's parents' time. He sent me back here to bring you back to our time."  
  
Ron held out an old boot. "Time-crossing Portkey." He informed her. Then he shook his head. "Come on, Hermione, you must have been crazy staying here and becoming great friends with - " he looked sad. "James and Lily Potter, and the younger Lupin and even Sirius - " he broke off abruptly again, and said gently, "You have to get past it, like Harry's trying to do. Maybe your love is more powerful than Harry's, but you have no choice - he's dead."  
  
"He doesn't have to be!" she said, her voice shaking. "I can give him his life back. I can give James and Lily back their futures."  
  
"And throw the entire balance into chaos," Ron shook his head. "Come on, Hermione, you're smarter than that. You've already changed some things. If you stay here, your future self will meet a twin image someday. You might wind up in Azkaban, or killed by Death Eaters. You may never see Harry or me again. I know this hurts - "  
  
"You don't feel it!" she yelled. Then she sighed. "How did you know how I felt about Sirius?"  
  
Ron smiled slightly. "It was pretty obvious, Mione, at least to me. It was also equally obvious how he felt about you. I overheard him once telling Lupin that people were always worried about Harry, and all the Weasleys were there to fuss over me and Harry - but there was never anyone to remember you." He chuckled. "Lupin knew too. Look," his eyes darkened. "We all miss him. But we have - to - get - past - it." He said slowly and clearly, seemingly trying to convince himself as well as Hermione.  
  
"Oh, Ron," she broke down into sobs and he awkwardly put his arms around her comfortingly. "It hurt so much to not have him anymore, and now that I do - I don't want to let go. I can't!"  
  
He sighed. "Then you have a choice to make, Hermione. I'll go over to Dumbledore's office now; he gave me his old gargoyle password. It's 'Jellylegs'. When you make your choice, come over there, all right? The Portkey takes off at four this evening - that gives you two hours to decide. I'll be waiting."  
  
"Thanks, Ron." She whispered, wondering how in hell she was going to be able to choose.  
  
"Dumbledore didn't let Harry in on it. He's probably wondering if I've vanished too." Ron added with a wry smile. "He didn't want Harry to come back."  
  
"Of course not!" Hermione managed a scornful look. "Imagine James facing a twin who has Lily's eyes! And Harry would probably be as intent on staying here as I am."  
  
Ron shrugged, and gave her a quick hug. "See you soon." He mumbled before disappearing out the door, the tattered old boot in one hand.  
  
Hermione watched him go, ready to burst into tears and collapse on her bed all over again. Yet she knew she didn't have time to cry anymore. She had to make a choice. And she had to see Sirius.  
  
She left the room and went in search of the reckless Animagus.  
  
***  
  
Hermione found Sirius in the Shrieking Shack, by the Whomping Willow. He was checking the place out to make sure it was suitable for Remus' next nightly wandering, which was probably the following night. When Hermione came in, he looked surprised.  
  
"What's up, Mione?" he asked casually.  
  
She smiled. "Lily told me which girl you were talking about earlier." She said with an edge of mischievousness in her voice that didn't quite cover up her sadness.  
  
Sirius looked startled and he swallowed hard. "Oh, yeah?" he managed hoarsely.  
  
"Yup, and I have absolute advice for you," she took a step closer to him. "Tell her. Tell her as soon as you can."  
  
He covered the remaining distance between them. "I'm in love with you." He said simply.  
  
The next thing she knew, his arms were around her waist and hers around his neck. His lips were on hers and she was kissing him back with as much desire, love and longing as he was, only hers came from more than one time frame.  
  
He broke the kiss only when he must have felt the wetness of her tears.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly, using his thumbs to brush away the tears of pure grief and devastation that broke her heart all over again. The raw emotion stung her bitterly; it was like watching him die all over again.  
  
"Sirius, I - I c-can't stay." She managed to choke out. "I have to g-go. We can't be together."  
  
His eyes clouded over. "Why not?" he asked softly, he first edge of sorrow appearing in his voice. "Why can't we be together? Where do you have to go?"  
  
"Back." She mumbled, not explaining further. "I have to go, Sirius, I don't have a choice anymore." She paused, and then said slowly, "You - you'll see me again someday. But you have to forget, Sirius. You have to forget me and what we could have had."  
  
He stared at her, confusion and grief spilling into his features. Hermione reached up and kissed him one last time, savoring the feel of what she knew she would never have again.  
  
Love.  
  
"Goodbye, Sirius." She whispered brokenly.  
  
And she turned and fled from the Shack, refusing to look back, because she didn't want to see the heartbroken shock on his face, and she didn't want to hear him when he mumbled: "I'll never forget, Mione. Love you forever" as tears began to spill out of his melting chocolate eyes.  
  
***  
  
Dumbledore glanced at the clock. "Two minutes," he said to Hermione and Ron. Neither he nor Ron had made any comment on the redness of Hermione's eyes, but she knew what they were thinking.  
  
The ache was horrible; the grief would never be buried again. She knew that Sirius would see her again, yet she knew that she would not recognize him at their first meeting. But she would go back to her own time, with these memories, shadows of her own time and her love.  
  
"Luckily, not many things have altered," Dumbledore told Hermione gently. "Be careful from now on." He laid a hand on her shoulder for a second.  
  
"Things will be like we never left when we get back, right?" Ron asked, and Dumbledore nodded.  
  
Hermione swallowed the terrible lump in her throat. "And - and Sirius will still be dead?"  
  
"Yes," the younger Dumbledore bowed his head. "I'm afraid Sirius will be gone, just like James and Lily will already be long dead." He sighed. "If only I could tell them. I do know how you feel, Hermione, torn between knowing the future and not being able to stop it. Torn apart."  
  
Yes, he was right. She was torn apart. Only it ran deeper for her because the man she loved was lost. And even though she had to hope that Sirius would forget her, some part of her still wanted him to remember the same girl at their first meeting, even if she couldn't and even if that time was long over . . . .  
  
*  
  
I~ **FLASH to Shack scene in "Prisoner of Azkaban"**:  
  
Hermione glanced at Harry and at Ron on the bed with his broken leg, and held her wand out at Sirius Black. She met his eyes head-on. The expression in them shook her to her very core. It wasn't defiance, or weariness or even amusement. No, there was some kind of shocked disbelief in his eyes as he looked at her, and for a second, she could have sworn she saw tears within those deep chocolate depths.  
  
**End FLASH** ~/I  
  
*  
  
. . . . The Portkey was ready. Ron and Hermione both held onto it. Dumbledore counted down, and suddenly, with a jerk in her stomach, Hermione felt herself being whirled away from this time, back to her own where there was no love . . . and no Sirius.  
  
She let her tears flow freely once more as her feet touched the ground of the future Dumbledore's office.  
  
** TBC.  
  
**  
  
A/N: Only one chapter left . . . this is a rather short story, but that's how it has to be. Please review, and I'll update as soon as I can. 


	6. Remembering Sirius

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the books' characters! Wish I did though, I'd never have killed Sirius!!! (*bursts into tears*)  
  
Summary: Hermione goes back in time, back to when the Marauders were in their seventh year. And Hermione is faced with grief that she thought she had buried. Will she have the heart to find a way to go back to her own time?  
  
[Just a fic I thought of after reading 'Order of the Phoenix']  
  
** *  
  
~Someone She Couldn't Forget  
  
- Chapter Six: Remembering Sirius *  
  
**  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione lounged on a ledge beside the lake, gazing out over the moonlit surface as the minutes of the late evening ticked by.  
  
Ron was sleepy and was almost completely out, as he lay sprawled on the ledge, his head lolling against Hermione's shoulder. She was sitting between him and Harry, her knees tucked under her with her chin resting on them, her eyes fixed impassively across the shimmering surface of water. Harry was beside her, fingers tapping gently on his wand, also deep in thought.  
  
"Think you got enough OWLs to make an Auror, Harry?" Ron asked sleepily.  
  
"I know Hermione did," Harry said with a smile. "But I think I did pretty good, especially in Defense Against the Dark Arts."  
  
They expected Hermione to respond with something along the lines of 'ooh I don't think I got question number dash right, oh I wonder where I went wrong', but she said nothing, merely shrugged in response. Ron, through his sleep-induced haze, realized she was still hurting bad and didn't know any way to help her.  
  
"I can't believe you guys got lost in the Room of Requirement," Harry was saying now, shaking his head, somewhat amused. "Hermione, Ron says he had to go in there and rescue you from some maze in the Room after Dumbledore located you."  
  
"Something of the sort," Hermione shot Ron, who had fallen asleep by now, a dirty look for taking the hero-role in the situation.  
  
For a moment, there was silence, and then Harry said softly: "I'd like to talk about him, like he actually did exist."  
  
Hermione felt her entire body stiffen. Harry might have sounded self- centered, but she knew that he still thought he was the only one (other than Lupin who wasn't here) who was really grieving the loss of Sirius Black. He didn't know about her.  
  
"We'll all miss him, Harry," she said in as emotionless a voice as she could. As a result, it came out sounding dead. "He was a great guy, and a - a great godfather. He loved you, Harry, he really did. Probably as much as James himself did."  
  
Harry glanced at her and she saw gratitude reflected in his green eyes. "He'd have been glad to hear you say so. He always liked you, Hermione, maybe as much as he liked me."  
  
"I doubt that." She mumbled softly.  
  
"I don't." Ron's voice spoke up, clear, firm and sleepless. He smiled wryly. "You remember how we spent our entire third year believing he was a murderer wanting to kill Harry? Poor guy, imagine having to live with the knowledge that the whole wizarding world thought he was responsible for betraying his best friend."  
  
Hermione shook her head. "If James had been alive, he would never have believed Sirius would have done such a thing."  
  
"You're talking like you've met my father," Harry said with a slight smile. "But you're right anyway. They were like brothers. And that's how Lupin and Sirius were since Dad died." He glanced across the lake. "Remember how we saved him from those Dementors right over there - you and me, Hermione?"  
  
"I remember."  
  
And she did. Vividly.  
  
"He lived in the cave near Hogsmeade too," Ron chuckled. "Lived off rats just to keep an eye on the Triwizard Tournament. What a guy."  
  
"Reckless," Hermione mustered up a smile. "Loyal." Eyes misted with reminiscence, they thought of all the things Sirius had done with them and without them too.  
  
"Tell me some of the stuff he did in Grimmauld Place before I arrived," Harry requested, leaning back and also using Hermione's other shoulder as a pillow.  
  
Ron glanced at Hermione, who continued to stare at the water, her mind only partly in the present. The other part was still torn, and still hovering in those shreds of the past . . . where Sirius was still alive.  
  
The youngest Weasley boy shrugged. "Well, he used to fight with Kreacher a lot, and he and Mum had their share of rows. Otherwise, he was always laughing, keeping Hermione and me company when we felt lonely, discussing ways to help Lupin get a job with Hermione, giving us sneak inside information about the secret Order meetings. He worried about you too." He added, directing this to Harry.  
  
"Yeah, he did care." Harry sounded a little sad.  
  
Hermione spoke up, not wanting Harry to get sorrowful again, her voice as light as she could manage through her own aching heart. "He showed me his family tree while we were there. He rescued me from his mother once too, because I was standing there paralyzed by her screams about me being a Mudblood."  
  
"And once, he nearly blew Kreacher's head off with a spell because that nasty elf started in on Hermione," Ron added with a grin in his voice. "Hermione was upset with him for it, but he knew she was grateful. Personally, I think Sirius would have welcomed any opportunity to kill that damned thing."  
  
They all laughed, even Hermione cracked a smile and Harry chuckled softly. "Sirius was always like that." He said. "You know, it's strange, but if you split up his character, you'll find different pieces of him in each of us."  
  
Hermione turned away from the water for the first time and she knew Harry could see the grief in her smile as she said, "I know what you mean."  
  
Harry nodded. "Yeah, Ron has his humor, his nonchalant attitude, his disregard for the rules." Ron and Hermione grinned. "I have his recklessness, his sharp yet somewhat blinkered vision - you know, seeing only that someone you care about is hurt and not caring what the consequences of going after them may be - and I have his thing for 'playing the hero'." He added, smiling.  
  
"And what about Hermione?" Ron asked, straightening up.  
  
She looked at Harry, wondering what he was going to say. He smiled, and said: "Well, Hermione has Sirius' humanity, and she has his heart."  
  
"Yeah," Ron murmured quietly, "She always had his heart."  
  
Hermione swallowed the immense lump in her throat, blinking back tears. "We'll all miss him." She repeated quietly. "But we'll never forget him."  
  
They stood up slowly from the ledge, and Harry nodded in agreement. "Sirius is living in each of us, and none of us will let his soul, his spirit die. He's not really gone."  
  
Harry and Ron started to head for the castle, but Hermione stood by the edge of the lake. When Harry turned around to ask her what was wrong, Ron tugged his arm and she heard him say quietly, "Give her a sec."  
  
She stared into the water, and for a moment, she saw the seventeen-year- old, carefree, laughing face of Sirius Black. Harry was right, she thought. Sirius wasn't really gone. He'd always be there, watching over them and keeping them safe, and no matter what - he'd always be there, loving her.  
  
As long as she had her memories, Sirius would live.  
  
With a slight smile, Hermione turned around and walked back to the castle, catching up with her two best friends and the two people who, along with the brave, spirited Animagus, were the most important in her life.  
  
Above her, a glowing new star twinkled with shining white light. None of them heard it when it seemed to speak, its voice low and husky with a laugh like a bark, yet somehow she had known its message.  
  
~ "It'll take more than Bella to rip me away from you." ~  
  
** THE END  
  
**  
  
A/n: I can't believe he's dead. I really, really can't get over that. Anyway, the story has come to an end and maybe all Sirius fans will find him again in books 6 or 7. Please review, and thanks for reading!  
  
Luv, ViXeN 


End file.
